And regarding people, I'm still enjoying my time trying to be the person i used to want to be. The one who will not be rejected by the crowds or the sociable outspoken friendly popular kids. The one who belongs to bigger groups (which makes you 'generally acceptable') and does not have to cry after classes. University life is something fresh, something new, something exciting. Somehow this sense of belonging I've always wanted feels short-lived. I'm getting used to such "surface-level relationships", but I don't feel particularly happy. Accepted, yes, but not particularly joyful. Where's the particular meaning in life I used to constantly seek? It probably isn't in large groups of people. I don't even like being with that much people that much to begin with - which probably explains why I used to be the quiet kid in big groups (and in contrast, a crazy ball of energy when with my closer friends). Perhaps the stupidest thing i've done is to feel upset about not being able to blend into huge groups. I would've been happier feeling okay with myself. I didn't have to be a stupid insecure kid. Next change; to go back to being who I used to be, know what will make me deeply satisfied, not just 'happy'. As much as being part of a community feels nice, there isn't enough time to have both social and personal time. Comfort is not completely found in big groups, nor is it found just within myself. I need (a few) individuals. Just where on earth are they?